Especially you darling local friends. I need imps of Haunted or Suspiro- but I need them by Friday. I asked Beth what Morticia Addams (Who I'm dressing up as for Halloween) would wear, and she said she pictured her in either of those.

So of course I now NEED to try them.  I think I've tried Haunted before- but I know I've never smelled Suspiro- and my imp box did not grace me with either (I was sure I'd have one of them). Can anyone help?

He is a little hard to understand, so you know- but so worth listening to. 86 year old WWII veteran speaking on marriage equality: "that's what I was fighting for- everyone should have the same rights."

popelizbet , who is made of cake and awesome, has asked for help from those who can here: http://popelizbet.livejournal.com/74295.html 

If you can chip in, or bid on an auction, or are moved to offer something for auction (there are several artists on my f-list that I bet would raise some serious $$ with their work) please do. if you cannot, just passing this along would help.


Moments like this, where people come together to help others in need, folks we've never met and likely will never meet-  this kind of pure human kindness? This is what keeps me from losing faith in humanity. Sometime soon I'm going to tell you folks about work, life and Kevin, I know you've been patient with my terrible updating schedule. Tomorrow I've got the day off, so I'm going to work on something to give you then. Until then, spread the word, boost the signal, and thanks.

To archanglrobriel and lurkingheretic ! Two amazing people who  share a birthday, which makes me think Oct 10th must have some really good mojo.

Rob- I hope you and your family have a wonderful day. It's always a pleasure to read your posts, see your artwork and to interact with you. Thank you for all of the joy you've given, and the advice and empathy- it's been a privilege to be able to be on your friends list. For your birthday I wish you beauty and light and color and fabulousness with friends to share it all, and peace and zen and time just for you.

Barb- I miss you, chica. But you know that, and you also know I envy you and I am so very proud of you too. It's been more years than I'd like to say since I met you, and as ridiculous as some of it was, I'm so grateful for all of it because it brought us to where we are today- friends. I wish you all of the adventure and experience and love you can handle, and I look forward to every post, email and picture, but not as much as I do to every visit. Know that you have a home here, whenever you need it.

So I'm awake and getting geared up for Cat's birthday party. Chris and I talked a bit about all of her last birthdays, and how this one has grown momentum, but we've just decided to hang on and enjoy the ride. We're paying the venue enough so we shouldn't have to worry- so we've refused to. I can see that it won't be long before her parties will need less and less of us around- so this one I'm just going to enjoy (with a minimum of wincing when I get the bill).

Yeah- I feel like I'd better make an update before the rest of the month gets away from me. Very possible since this month has Cat's birthday and the costume making for Halloween. We're going to go as the Addams Family- Gomez, Morticia and Wednesday- and Kevin said he'd shave his head and be our Uncle Fester. I'm trying to determine how to pull off a chubby Morticia, but I think I've got a handle on it.

And of course Penn and Jen's wedding is Halloween, so this year the costumes must be extra special. Besides this being the wedding of two great people, it's the first one that Chris will be officiating.  He's ordained through the Church of Universal Light (as am I) which means he can legally marry couples in the state of CA.

And you know, while that's great for us, and the two couples who have asked Chris to officiate, I think about other couples we know- friends who are only legally hitched because they managed to pull it off before they were stripped of their rights, or those whose plans were squashed after Prop H8T passed, or even those who haven't gone that far, but would have someday... it makes me sad and angry and frustrated. Why should we be celebrating when others can't?

So much frustration lately. With the cuts closing the doors to battered womens shelters (some of which we work with) and the lack of shelter space everywhere else, I'm having to tell several people a night that I don't have a safe place for them to sleep tonight. As much as I love this job for giving me the chance to help folks, it's wearing to have to tell so many of them that there isn't anything we can do.

Abrupt topic change!
Since they didn't show Cat the President's speech yesterday (I had he ask her teacher why-she just got home and told me that her teacher said she didn't show it because she'd gotten confused about the time it was supposed to air) I'm loading it up on YouTube now. I'm glad we have that resource available.


Hmm- what else. Oh! I've been taking Metformin to treat the POCS, and I get to check my hormone levels sometime this month to see if my testosterone is down. I will say that I've noticed some changes in the way I feel, which I kind of like a lot. My sex drive is manageable, my temper is calmer. 
I'm also losing weight. I don't want anyone to congratulate me on that please. I'm not really sure how I feel about it, given that I've been really working on my self and size acceptance and when people make a big deal about the weight I've lost, I feel like it reinforces the "fat is bad, and you are bad for being fat" mindset in me. Of course my co-workers are the ones commenting on it, but I don't feel like I can share that aspect of it with them like I can here.

Ok the vid is loaded, and I think that kind of covers my life at the moment. If there's anything you want to know, or would like me to elaborate on, please ask.

Today while running around getting errands done (new tires!) Chris treated me to a quick massage at the mall.  $12 for 10 minutes is pretty reasonable, and it was so thoughtful of him. He knows I've been stressed, and he does his best to take care of me. It was kind of strange to be touched like that by someone I'm not intimate with though.  And of course you're out in the open, in the middle of the mall on a chair, so that has it's own weirdness. But my shoulders are very grateful.

Plus he finally got his LEGO wish fulfilled, and picked up the Medieval Village, which he's been waiting for since.. February? A while in any case. I wish I was home to help start it off. It's nice to see him so happy, and to be able to OK him getting himself a treat. We're out of the red right now, and as long as we are mindful, it should be a bit better for a while. Especially with the overtime I picked up yesterday.  :D That's getting put away for Cat's B-day in September.

To be honest, we were pretty bad off for a tiny bit. We know how to squeeze the life out of whatever we've got, and we did, but it was a couple of days of "how far can we go before we need to put gas in the tank?" and a whole lot of fish and rice, and fish and rice.*  It got boring, but we ate, and survived. So a little indulgence was called for, and I'd bet he and Cat are at home with this new kit, happy as can be. It makes me feel really good to think about.

Funny enough, as we were leaving, Chris mentioned that this song made him think of us. So of course I'm looking at the lyrics. Hmm.

Love you Madly
Cake

I don't want to wonder
If this is a blunder
I don't want to worry whether
We're gonna stay together
'till we die

I don't want to jump in
Unless this music's thumping
All the dishes rattle in the cupboards
When the elephants arrive

I want to love you madly
I want to love you now
I want to love you madly, way
I want to love you, love you
Love you madly

I don't want to fake it
I just want to make it
The ornaments look pretty
But they're pulling down the branches
Of the tree

I don't want to think about it
I don't want to talk about it
When I kiss your lips
I want to sink down to the bottom
Of the sea

I want to love you madly
I want to love you now, yeah
I want to love you madly, way
I want to love you, love you
Love you madly

I don't want to hold back
I don't want to slip down
I don't want to think back to the one thing that I know i
Should have done

I don't want to doubt you
Know everything about you
I don't want to sit across the table from you
Wishing I could run

I want to love you madly
I want to love you now
I want to love you madly, way
I want to love you, love you
Love you madly

*BTW- Tilapia is a nice mild fish, and the frozen packs are really, really cheap- about $1 each. I 've kept a freezer full for a while and just finally ran out- but it was just in time for this last paycheck (mine was Thurs) and we refilled.

DBAD 

Click on it- you'll like it!

I don't normally care for the writer's block questions. This one struck me- it looks like a pelvic bone, made of ash.

I wonder what that says about me.

Hey all.

I'm here, surviving. I've been a bit swamped, with having B here from Korea, and life in general.

I've also been down, especially lately, watching some of the agencies I work with have to deal with the huge cuts in funding thanks to the new CA budget. I know of one women's domestic violence shelter that will most likely be closing, and I've talked to dozens of parents who are terrified that their kids won't have insurance.

I know what it's like to have no health coverage, and it's scary- it becomes an order of magnitude more worrisome when it's your child who you have to budget for to get to the doctor, if/when you can afford it at all. It used to be $80 or so per visit, if we went to the local urgent care (and you skip wellness appointments- only going when it becomes totally necessary to see a doctor).  But at least we had this option, and family and friends who were willing to help us when we needed it. I talk to people every day who are hoping against hope that we can help them with a low cost clinic, or any kind of medical care for themselves, because at least the kids are covered. And now, those same kids are going to be without any coverage.

I took a huge chance in changing jobs because I needed something with health coverage. I couldn't live with the worry anymore. I couldn't have something happen and not be able to go to the ER. I'd already had Chris sew up his own leg -6 stitches- because he didn't want us to have the ER bill (we have a very comprehensive first aid kit thanks to medical professionals in the family) . It was time to find a job that insured us- and I was lucky to be able to do so.

And even when you're insured, it doesn't mean you can depend on it- see this: http://lafiga.firedoglake.com/2009/07/30/one-more-reason-why-we-need-health-care-reform/  


I can't imagine what it would be like to be told there's no safe place to run to if the person you live with is hurting you.

OK , maybe I can, kind of. But I at least would have been helped by CPS, if anyone had known I was being abused. I couldn't tell, because I was afraid. So I ran away. And I came back and ran away again and again until I was able to be out permanently. And somehow it worked out for me. Now I can visit with my parents, and while it still hurts to deal with it, we've reached an equilibrium. So it's very different for me than it is for the women that now might not have someone to help them escape.

But in the letter the agency sent us, they told us about a former client that was brutally murdered, in public, by her spouse after she left the program. They found that out on the heels of the funding cut- and now the main shelter itself is in danger of closing.

And if anyone doubts the need for these services- that these are isolated incidents- let me tell you I speak to women every day- let me repeat that- EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. that are either looking for a domestic violence shelter to escape to, or are looking for longer term supportive services because they were already in the shelter but now have no where else to go now that the time they can stay there is up, or need a restraining order or a lawyer, or an agency that has safe places to pick up their children because they share custody with their abuser, and so on...


Statistics from the American Bar Association Commission on Domestic Violence:

•  Approximately 1.3 million women are assaulted each year by an intimate partner;  
   
•  3.3 million children are exposed to violence by family members against mothers or female caretakers;
   
• Witnessing violence between one's parents or caretakers is the strongest risk factor of transmitting violent behavior from one generation to the next.  
   

I want you to be as upset as I am. I want you to read this and want to help. And you can help. Call or write your congressperson, even if you're not in CA. Donate to your local women's shelter. Know that this happens and speak about it.   The more we talk about it, the more people know that we won't keep quiet while these services disappear, the more likely we are to be able to stop the cuts.

We are in charge. We can influence our government. We just need to speak up.

Edit: One option for CA residents- http://www.stopfamilyviolence.org/get-involved/take-action-now/ca-governor-eliminates-state-funding-to-domestic-violence-programs
But you can still make more of an impact picking up the phone and calling your representative directly.

Today has been a different kind of day. I'm at work, which is in itself unusual. I've usually got Wed and Thurs off, and I usually work in the late afternoon to midnight. But we had a meeting today, and I was rescheduled.

Today we did a workshop/training on human trafficking.

I'm going to admit I'm a little shell-shocked. It was a hard training to go through, especially since the reason we're doing this is because three of the counties we handle have areas with a lot of prostitution, and two of them (our own county being one) has an area that is a hub for child trafficking. We looked at cases of girls and boys as young as 7 who were being exploited, and talked to one of the counselors (rescuer, really) that does outreach and assistance.

So as a resource line, we need to know how to spot these callers, how to draw them out on what they're going through and where to direct them. We may be talking to them already- but have missed the signs and the chance to help them get out of this life. That's the thought that kills me. I brought up a caller I got on Sunday (in Fresno) that I wish had come after this training, because she had some of the warning signs now that I think about it. I got her to a youth shelter, and the trainer said that they should be able to help her if she was being exploited- I suppose I did the best I could not knowing- but you hold on to it.

If anyone needs (or would like) the info of the agency we talked to today, I'd be happy to pass it along.

I feel a little better getting it down. It's important work, and it's good that we're taking it on. Meeting our trainer was an honor as well- and the lady from the DA's office who we're partnering with. One of the highlights of doing this kind of work is getting to meet the dedicated people who we partner with.  I was lucky enough to get to do it in the last job as well. It's almost as good as the "being able to help someone" part of the job.

I'm tired though- totally worn out. I'm here till 5:30 on the phones, so no nap- but I want one. 

In other news, I haven't managed to trade with anyone for my Sat shift- I'd like to have it off to be able to be at the airport to meet Barb. So B, if I can't manage it I'll see you when I get home, and Chris has already said he'd go get you, so no worries, chica.  I'm looking forward to seeing you.

Oh, and Max is still the world's best kitty (along with Dinah, Amber, and all of your kitties) who slept on my pillow and bit my nose this morning. I am smit.

Because I'm posting so late, but I have to put these up. I am home from work and can finally introduce you to the newest member of the family.

This is Max.


Max is a wild thing.


He's settling in nicely.


And he's already made himself at home.


I'd been thinking about adopting a different kitten yesterday at the shelter, a tiny baby who is very cute. We'd met Max yesterday as well and he was funny and cute, but the other kitten seemed so sweet. But last night Max managed to get into my dreams, so when we went to the shelter, and he grabbed Chris' shoe through the bars, we had to bring him home.  He's decided  that I'm his as well, which is just perfect.

Max is all personality- and I think he's a good fit for the house. Dinah and Amber are less sure, but we got them to get used to each other- i think we can manage this.

Let me tell ya.

First off, I've had to miss out on all BPAL events recently (and will probably be missing any in the near future. I'm working this weekend so no Convergence (and next, but no ComicCon tickets in any case).
 
As much as this pained me, I realized it was mostly because I really wanted to see Beth and Ted and Lillith and the labbies, not because I wanted an OMGRARE blend.  I'm thinking of auctioning off the Bat's Day set in any case, because I think I'm just holding on to it because it's the only rare I'll get my hands on for a while, and other people might love it, which makes my hoarding it really selfish.

The most I may be able to do is ask a friend if he'll pick up the Comic Book Legal Defense Fund BPAL goodie while he's there- but that's unlikely. I need to save my money.

Mostly because we may be coming home with a kitten tomorrow. This will make us a three cat family. Which works if you think about it as each of us having a cat right? Oh boy...

Yeah, I've got no willpower. Somehow we ended up at the shelter today. I'm not sure how it was that Chris took us there and didn't expect us to come home with someone, but he did say something about going to love on some kitties (which we did- lots of opportunities to socialize, and they have volunteer positions for people to come love on/play with the pups and kits).

Cat is VERY shy around dogs-  to the point that I kind of doubt she'll ask us for a puppy again.  Barking frightens her- even playful barks. Poor Cat. I'm thinking that if we do end up helping out with the dogs it might ease that, but for now she said she'd much rather help care for the cats.

The shelter itself is a no-kill. Wonderful place, and we do plan on trying to grab stuff off  their wishlist to donate when we can.
The kitten is a tiny little fluff of soft black fur. I was kind of thinking of taking home an older cat, since kittens are usually quick to find homes, but the older kitties that seemed lovey were mostly recommended for solo cat homes, and they had a LOT of babies there. Plus he charmed me.

Work is pretty much same as always. I will say I'm MILES happier here than I was with the last place. I feel like I'm helping people but I'm not being drained by inconsistent expectations and last second emergencies and fear of getting sick.

Actually Chris has had some pretty icky stomach issues this week- and I'm hoping that he talks to his doctor about it on Monday. I'm feeling a lot better about his health- he's had these digestive issues on and off, and he was feeling dizzy as well, which made his doctor schedule blood tests for liver, kidney and thyroid function, as well as diabetes. So far all results have come back fine, with the exception of the thyroid, which wasn't ready when we called. So he's going to call Monday (or I will, which is more likely) and see why he's still having issues. At least his sugar, liver and kidneys are ok.

So yeah- lots to ramble about. I will say I'm super excited that Barb will be here soon- I  can't wait.  You'll have lots of kitty love when you get here babe. Plus we need to chase down Kogi BBQ, so you can try them.

Back to the calls- hope you're all having a great night.

I'm considering a bottle sale again- really just so I can buy this adorable sundress I found in the fatshionista community. Since I've got less than no spending monies right now, I really need to sell something if I'm going to get it. I only need $45 to cover it so I don't really need to do a big sale. Althought the way things are right now- I should probably go ahead and have a bigger sale so I've got some sort of cushion till Chris' next payday.

I've got Sugar Moon, White, Blood and Green Phoenix, Snow White and Peacock Queen '07  as well as a bottle of Eggnog Latte. All of them are full- tested only.
I've also got the whole set of Bat's Day bottles, full and only sniffed. I'm holding off on that set right now though because I was kind of hoping to save it to trade for a grail scent. Although with the ugliness going on with the swaplift that just happened, I'm wary of putting that out there.

Honestly I'm kind of not feeling that it's the right time to sell, with all of that going on. I REALLY want this dress, and I've got no money to get it right now, which makes me feel a bit guilty about buying anything, even if it is selling something of mine to get it.


Oh well. I guess I'm going to ask my fellow perfume lovers if they want to suggest pricing, and of course give you guys first dibs, and then I'll see what I put up on sinandsalvation.

 


 

Who gave me gift certificates?  Aw- that was really nice you guys!  You can stay anonymous, but know that I'm sending you mental huggles.

I'm so bad at keeping up any kind of normal update schedule. And it's not like I'm not online all the fricken time or anything. I'm just going to go ahead and let you know that I'm breathing and alive and all.

Although something I should make note of- because we got Amber fixed yesterday, and we were discussing care with Cat (as this is her kitten) the conversation led us into "the talk".
 We've made a point of giving her age appropriate info about  biology so far- but yesterday we were honest and frank with her about human sexuality, biology, and sex.
That was hard- I think harder for us- but she's a bright kid, and at 9 I know I'd had a LOT of misinformation passed along to me, so  we gave her our honesty. She's got a pretty good set of anatomical charts (she asked for those one day at the bookstore) , so we used those as reference material.
She had a couple of questions, "does it hurt?" being the hardest one for me to answer, but I think we got it all clearly answered for her, and she knows she can ask us anything she needs to know.

So yeah. I'm still a little shell shocked about it- but I think we did the right thing.

Please spread the word about this.

As RaceFail 09 continues, it has become clear that there are those who are hellbent on marginalizing and silencing people of color. In the past few months, minorities have been denigrated by bigoted authors and publishers who have also asserted that Fen of Color are rare and pratically non-existent. Despite numerous discussions and attempts to enlighten on the fact that POCs are fans, writers, artists and just as integral to this genre as our white counterparts, we are continuously dismissed.

On Monday May 18, 2009, we are asking anyone who identifies as a POC/non-white to post this banner, their speculative short stories, artwork, poetry or simply write a post on their favorite fandom on their blogs as an act of protest to show we will not be silent or invisible. The day of protest is entitled Fen Of Color United or more aptly, FOC_U.

White allies can also show solidarity for this event by posting this banner and expressing the need for diversity and speaking out against the bigotry in the genre, through posts and/or their creative work as well.

In addition, a new community entitled foc_uhas been created. It's designed to be a safespace for POCs/non-whites and white allies to discuss the issues pertaining to RaceFail and a place to counteract its destructive effects. And it's also a fun place for everyone to also discuss their favorite fandoms. While memberships and posts are under moderation for the time being (until the community gets more established and input is welcomed), everyone is encouraged to join and make this a home.

You can help out by spreading the word and reposting this banner on your personal blog or creating one of your own if you'd like.

The gauntlet's been thrown and I for one think it's past time for us to take a stand and let our voices be heard, whether some people want to hear them or not.

If you have any questions or suggestions, feel free to stop by foc_u.

********************************************************************************************************************************

Anyone who knows me knows I'm a fangirl. I've loved sci-fi and fantasy since I was a kid and had free reign of the local branch library. I read Heinlein's Time Enough For Love and Stranger in a Strange Land, Asimov's I Robot and The Robots of Dawn as well as everything I could find with Susan Calvin in, I read Clarke and Bradbury and Verne and Herbert and Ellison- all before I was 10.

I watched the original series of Star Treck in re-runs, watched STNG after school, found all the authors I'd loved as a kid and re-read everything as well as finding their other works. I found fantasy as well, falling in love with Pratchett and Asprin and Anthony- and then in college I started reading comic books- Gaiman first- but Moore and Miller and the Hernandez brothers followed close after. I wrote a thesis on images of Women in comic books, which I presented at a conference. I'm a geek, and proud of it.

So I'd have to say that Sci-fi had a big hand in my development. I'll say that I'm a reader and a fan- I'm not a writer or a contributor, and I don't think I ever will be. The fact that there are people- publishers and writers who say I don't exist- this pains me.- not so much for me now, but for little me with her nose in a book- believing that I would be a part of the future these books taught me- like Uhura working on a starship- like Susan Calvin with her robots- like all of the heroes in all of space.

And not quite so stressed.

I was able to get myself together enough to do Bat's Day Black Market this year- and due to some unforeseen circumstances, I had my own table. It was fun, exhausting and very lucrative. Enough so that I'm considering buying a booth at Convergence.

I have to admit that it feels like a risk to me- I'll be putting my stuff out there in a much bigger way than I ever have. And I'll be risking the booth fee- a much higher amount that I've paid in the past.  But it was such amazing fun to do at Bat's, and If I make anywhere near what I made there, it'll be worthwhile.

I guess it comes down to if I want it to be. Making the falls, well, this was a hobby that made me a little extra cash when I wanted to go out clubbing. Because of the last job, and the amount I made then, it was much smarter to have something that paid for my fun. Now, I don't make huge amounts more- and I work weekends which takes clubbing out of the question- but what I made at Bat's brought us right out of a hole we were in.

Life is risk, isn't it? I'm going to ask an artist friend to go in on this with me- but if he says no, maybe I should just go for it alone.

I'd love to hear what you think.


Oh! And one of the things I bought from the talented artists there?



I did have an awfully cute outfit, y/y?

It really has been. Last night was really good (much needed and overdue, but I venture into TMI territory). Let's just say Chris and I had a long talk. :) Woke up this morning and took off to LA, to go to the Fluevog sale.  That and lunch on Melrose before work was really nice. Good pizza too.  We even managed to check out the show they had in the Munkey King store/gallery, which was prety neat.

Darlings, you know I'm a bargain shopper- and paying anywhere near that much for shoes hurts to even think about. Even ones that cute.  But they were having a sale that made it possible for me to get a $200 pair of shoes for less than $40. And OMG are they cute. Not as many things as I thought they'd have that I really wanted (no boots) but still cute and comfy shoes. I'll post a pic if anyone wants to see them. fredo_joaquin they were a bit picked over by the time I got there, so you didn't miss much.

 And Chris was willing to take me, which is kind of scary if I think about it too hard. He's either really wanting to spoil me (he bought the shoes for me as well) or he's trying to lull me before a big LEGO sale. In any case I think I've blown my wad for mommy shopping time, for at least a while. No asking for anything until at least Mother's Day.  ;)

I love going places with my family. When we're driving out anywhere we always play a modified version of punch-bug. No hitting- just racking up points on who sees and claims more VW Bugs. On the way in to LA, Chris was telling Cat that he thought about going into LA proper as a field trip. Being together is just fun, honestly. I especially like when we can get Kevin and all go off adventuring. Some of my best times have been with us all in the car.

Work is slightly stressful right now- our database is screwy and being worked on, which makes each call a bit more difficult. I got a nice pat on the back yesterday though- apparently we had a "secret shopper" type call and I got it- which was nice, because apparently I did it just right, and word got back to the director about me. So that's good, and it makes the wonky database a little easier to put up with. Chocolate cake also makes work stress less annoying, and I'm having a bit now. Leftover from our meeting-yum.

Tired, but essentially feeling better. I've got regular daily allergy meds now, which are supposed to keep me from being so suseptible to all the ick going around, and the mouth thing is almost gone- just wishing I could sleep a bit more regularly.

Hmm- you guys read this for the inane babble, right? Because that's pretty much what you're getting with the above. That and linky bits.  Maybe I'll try a post with content soon. Don't hold your breath or anything though.

Happy Birthday! To the lovely audionymph. Have a good one darlin' . I'm wishing you bright and beautiful days, and happy possibilities in your new home.


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WTF body? Why are you turning on me this way, when I've been good to you lately? Eating well, walking about a mile and a half very other day? I'm trying to be healthier, and it's been nice- but this? Ick.

Although I suppose complaining about my relatively slight health issues seems ridiculous when I think about the issues some of you have to deal with, f-list. So I'm sorry about the bitching. Love you, and you're free to skip my whinging.

But I'm annoyed about this. It seems that whatever I had last month (Sinus infection? It was never adequately explained, or I was too sick to get it.) was subdued by the HUGE dosage of antibiotics I was given, but it came back as soon as it could. The roof of my mouth is swollen, to the point where it hurts to eat anything solid, my ear is starting to ache, I feel hung over without the good bits (no alcohol in a while, actually), and my head wants to fall off.

So I will be off to see my doc on Wed. With any luck, I'll muddle through work tomorrow, and be able to make it without having to miss. But I have to say sleeping the day away? Sounds lovely. I'm debating calling off.

Ah well. I hope you are all doing better than I am, dear flist.

I'm horribly neglectful I know, but really life has just now given me some breathing room. Of course it'd be nice if that came  with any money to spend, but I'm getting used to being broke, so whatever.

The last thing that tightened around my windpipe? $600 of car repair. Woo fucking hoo. It's paid now, and while it's good that it's done, and I paid the rent as well- there will be no fun money for a while.  And there will be more to do to that car soon- couple of things we put off this time will be coming up. But the really needful things are done and it's running well for now.

But heck, being stuck at home at least got us doing some things here- lurkingheretic you'll never believe it- all the clothes are put away. We vanquished the laundry pile. Donated 6 trash bags full of clothes as well. As soon as we finish the current wash ( about 4 loads or so), I'll see if there's more to go.  Cat seems to outgrow things daily, so her closet  was revamped as well, which netted a couple more bags of clothes that'll have to go. And since I invoked you, B- your box will ship as soon as Keecha brings me over the blouses . keechakatt ? any idea when that might be? Oh, and MOAR KOREA PIX PLS! We're loving them. You may still have floor space when you come out if you need it- Dunno what the moving plans are at the moment.

I've had some fun playing with Chris' LEGO collection, building houses and whatnot. That's been nice- time together at home. His town is growing quite a bit- I'm thinking he's going to need more space for it.  Kevin has been contributing his LEGOs to the build, and when we are in the black again, I'm thinking we should go thrifting and yard sale stalking to find other collections we can integrate.

Feeling crafty- I need to get into the yarn box and see what I've got for hairfalls. I wanted to try and go to Black market again, but I haven't heard back from Octaviana Corsetry- the proprietress had suggested going together on a booth which I'd love to do- I just need to contact her and offer to pay for a portion of a double booth (if I can afford to) so we have all the room we would need for fittings and such. I made a decent profit last time, and I do so love playing dress up with the falls. I'm thinking of making some really long, especially fancy falls for this as well, since that's what people seemed to want last time.

Time to check and see how Cat's homework is coming along. I've already threatened to sell her to the circus if she wasn't staying on task- perhaps I should tell her I've had an offer from a gypsy caravan? Or do you think she'd be packed and ready to go?

Ok folks- you know I don't do much advertising, but I've been keeping up with this, and I think it's something that you should know about, spread the word and maybe contribute to? I know I've got artists that might have stuff they'd be willing to add to the auction, or maybe you'll see something you'd like to bid on.

Repost to follow:


********************************************************Hello!

In conjunction with the Wiscon FOC Assistance Program fundraising effort, we are pleased to present con_or_bust, a fandom auction to support the program's sponsorships for fans of color attending Wiscon 2009.

What is the Wiscon FOC Assistance Program?

Started by kate_nepveu as part of fight_derailing, the FOC Assistance Program seeks to meet the needs of fans of color who would like to attend wiscon, but are unable to do so without some form of assistance. Assistance offered includes, but is not limited to, money for travel, a con membership, and/or lodging space. You can find more information about the project by visiting the announcement post.

How Can I Sign Up?

If you or someone you know is a fan of color who might benefit from this program, please check out the submission guidelines to submit a request for assistance... Parties who request assistance are not identified to donors. The project will do its best to meet needs that might otherwise prevent you or someone you know from attending Wiscon in 2009.

How Can I Help?

If you have space to share in your hotel room or suite, or otherwise feel that you can assist in this project, please take a look at the list of requests. Please let kate_nepveu know if you are able to meet the need for a space request.

Donations will be accepted through Paypal, Amazon gift checks, as well as check or money order. More info about donation options is available in the con_or_bust userinfo under "How Do I Pay?".

Any donations in excess of requests will be donated to the Carl Brandon Society.

Also, donations of items and promotion for con_or_bust are needed.

What's Con_Or_Bust?

con_or_bust, the fandom auction in support of this initiative, will begin March 18 and continue until April 11 or until all needs are met.

Please sign up for con_or_bust and encourage your friends to do the same, as we are already attracting offers of CDs, jewelry, and other goodies. Lots of good things will be on offer and you don't want to miss it!

We still need donations of auction items. Fanfic offers, editing and beta assistance are encouraged along with tangible items. All donations of funds or auction items, no matter how small, are accepted. Those who wish to do fixed-donation offers are also invited to participate.

Auctions may be posted now as a preview. Please review the auction template for details on posting your auction.

More information about types of offers, how to bid, etc. is available in the community userinfo. For ideas on what you might be able to offer, you can check out the vast array of things that have been offered in previous fandom auctions such as livelongnmarry or saveours00j.

Where Can I Find Out More?

Please feel free to contact popelizbet for any questions regarding the auction. Questions regarding aims of the project? Read kate_nepveu's original post about the idea, or visit fight_derailing for more info.

Thank you in advance for any help you can give! Please feel free to repost this wherever seems appropriate.

Anybody miss me?
*looks around
Nope. Thought so.

Anyway- Chris and I went off yesterday to celebrate our 10 year wedding anniversary.  Yep, ten years. It's been amazing, challenging, joyful and painful, but oh so worth it.
I've got a good partner, and I know it. Plus we're still daffy in love, and it doesn't feel like a long time- I know I still find him fascinating, and attractive, and he tells me all the time that he feels the same.
This little getaway reconnected us , which we needed- adult time that was just ours. Much of it was silly, goofy fun- and we still talked each other's ears off.

I'm calling it the anniversary of the happy belly, because the food we got was amazing! After we dropped Cat off at my mother's we went to a place we'd been trying to eat at for ages. It's called One World, and it's a vegan restaurant. usagi_moon  it's close to you- my Mom lives in West Covina.  Oh, so good. I had the tofu curry and Chris had the kebabs- which were an amazing  beef substitute that you'd swear was a tender skirt steak. Plus the iced coffee which was really creamy and strong.

Then we went to one of our favorite art galleries in LA- La Luz de Jesus.  There wasn't a particular show we were there for, but there's always something good ont he walls, it's a neat space and it's got a fun store. After, a walk around Venice Beach, a stop at The Pleasure Chest (unlinked, since I'm at work- but remind me and I'll link it later. ) and a hotel room to decompress in.

Later that night we went off in search of something I'd been eager to try- Kogi BBQ. I've followed them on Twitter because Korean/Mexican fusion sounded interesting, and I was amused byt the thought of a taco truck having a twitter feed.
It was AMAZING. You all know I like good food. This was inspired. Kimchi quesadillas, and short rib sliders were my favorites, but the tacos are very good, as are the burritos. The have vegetarian options, including tofu, but we went for the meat.
We actually waited in line for an hour, which I know Chris wouldn't ordinarily put up with- but he's done the wait for Pinks with Kevin, and this made him at least willing to do this with me. He was so impressed with the food he said he'd do it again.

This morning we woke up, checked out  and headed over to Chinatown, for shopping and brunch. That was a lot of fun- we mostly browsed since we spent enough on all this- but brunch was lovely. Not Dim Sum, which is what we'd planned, but we were drawn into this seafood cafe by the aroma. Lovely meal, and a ton of leftovers.

Then hurry home to pick up Cat, and drop me off here at work. I'm sleepy, and kinda deflated. I guess I didn't want it to end.

• 21:56 The universe is stranger than even I imagined. And Facebook is bad for you if you've got people in your past you want to avoid. Connection? #
• 22:19 Another lovely night ruined by the mind-meltingly stupid. I'm so sorry ma'am, there is no one out there who will buy you a car. Why call me? #
• 22:45 @emurphy42 Damnit- I knew there was something I missed during training! Is that what the wand is for? I thought it was for spankings. #
• 23:12 @emurphy42 Again? I swear, I'm in there every month on one thing or another, and it always ends in spankings. At least the trainer is hot. #

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Seriously guys? I'm a little embarrased, but very appreciative. I really wasn't fishing for pats on the back- as wonderful as they feel. It was more that I needed to vent and debrief, since I was all alone. Writing things out helps, which is why I do it, I suppose.

But it's always nice to hear from all of you, and I sincerely appreciate your loving and kind words. Knowing I help and I make some kind of difference by doing this work is what gets me out of bed every day.

I e-mailed my supervisor and with the increase in these kind of calls, we're going to be getting some training. In case you were wondering, what we're supposed to be doing is basic information and referral, some advocacy when it's needed, like if we have a homeless client in search of shelter we can (and do) call the agencies to see if they have a bed- but we're not really supposed to advise and counsel.

Not that it stops any of the operators I work with. The people here are amazing, dedicated and good- they try.

I know I mostly bitch about the crazy callers- the pranks and the obscene callers, the entitlement cases, the people who insist that we are to do for them things far outside our directive (Heh- that would cover the obscene callers, wouldn't it)  but I do love doing this most nights- so it feels odd to get kudos for doing my job- one I get paid pretty well for, and finally have insurance with, while we're at it.

• 20:46 Mmmm Salmon for dinner, delivered to work by Chris. That was so nice! #
• 21:17 @dcorsetto we have on occasion, over the past 9 years. Now we only have the one kid (who is 9, so...)but we know we're taking a risk.*blush* #
• 22:48 Last caller was hard. Suicide prevention- and I really think we're inadequately trained for it because we're not couselors. Called the PD. #
• 22:58 I hope they call me back and let me know- they have in the past, when we've had to handle these. We only do when they won't transfer to SP #

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We need better training for the suicide calls. Period.

There's no way around it- sometimes you can't get the caller to let you transfer them to the experts, sometimes you can't risk putting them on hold to try and do so, or to call 911. And I wasn't trained to be able to tell the difference. Sometimes, you're all alone in the call center and there's no one to call out  while you hold the caller, keep them talking until help arrives.

I know it's not really our job, but it happens anyway. So we should be trained.

And I for one cannot just tell a caller that has assured me they are going to take their life, the how and where established and possible (part of the script- does the caller have a plan?  Do they have the means?) to hold on while I call suicide prevention or the police.

I was on with the caller that spurred this post for 30 minutes before I could talk him down enough to transfer him- and I was flying blind.

I don't know if he's going to be ok. I may never know, unless he calls to yell at me for calling the police on him. I hope he does.

I need a hug.

• 17:14 The stupid- it burns... It's Saturday night, and they're all calling us. #
• 17:51 Grrr- I'll be right back- I need to go to San Diego with a cluebat. Or a flamethrower. #
• 18:06 Someone just called to ask me what the California State Fish is. I wanna go home now. #
• 18:51 @roumagrl Thank you- I wish you could. I just had a San Diego perv threaten to call my supervisor because I hung up on his ass. #
• 19:43 It's not all bad- just did a bit of counseling for a caregiver (got a soft spot for 'em, I admit). She was so much lighter when we were done #
• 19:47 I love helping and HEARING the relief in their voices. Makes the crazy less mind-bleedingly annoying. I'm better now- how'r you, twitterverse? #

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• 23:55 @Iron_Spike I'm pretty sure I own that jacket, in brown. #

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• 19:28 @joemorf, meet @kogibbq. There- my good deed for the night. #

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• 22:37 Oh hey- what's this? Oh yeah! my twitter- totally forgot where I'd left it. Seriously though- been a bad girl, neglecting all online stuff. #
• 22:43 @emurphy42 Spanking!- naughty, naughty Zoot. ;3 #
• 22:47 Oh, wicked, bad, naughty, evil Zoot! Oh, she is a naughty person, and she must pay the penalty... #
• 22:47 -- and here in Castle Anthrax, we have but one punishment for setting alight the grail-shaped beacon. #
• 22:48 Silliness- the last refuge of the overtired operator. I swear- Sundays are not fun at all unless I get a little crazy. #
• 22:52 All alone from 10 to 12 It can be even more madness. Been dancing in the call center. Long as I turn down the music when the phone rings, ok #
• 22:55 Dancing is not enough- now singing along to "Every Sperm Is Sacred". #
• 22:58 I'm a Roman CatholicAnd have been since before I was bornAnd the one thing they say about Catholics is:Theyll take you as soon as youre warm #
• 22:59 Chris would probably kill me if I tried to teach that song to my kid, huh. Might be worth it though... #
• 23:01 One more hour before I can go home. I'm thinking I might bake brownies tonight, and pack them up for Cat and Chris tomorrow. Hmm. #
• 23:03 If I put Chris in a chocolate coma, It'll be that much easier to get away with my nefarious plans. Or I could just bribe him. #
• 23:08 Woo! Star Harbor Nightswww.starharbornights.com/new/31 posted. I will survive the night. #
• 23:12 @roumagrl It's what I do to pass the time between calls on Sunday- some nights the phone rings off the hook, some nights it's dead, like now #
• 23:14 @roumagrl And since our Sunday night perv is apparently asleep now, I'm in kinda a good mood. #
• 23:26 @roumagrl *hugs* back. You should check out that link I put up. Really good story. #
• 23:44 @roumagrl You'll have to go back the archives- but it's totally worth it. #

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• 20:20 Yawn. The only thing entertaining about tonight is the texts Kevin has been sending me. #

So I lied. Got a chance to chat with Babs last night online. Made for a lovely shift at work, and I still managed to get all my calls. Not as may as Sunday, thankfully. Maybe Sunday's just feel busier because I spend the last 2 hours alone, but I'd rather have someone there on a Sunday than a Tuesday (which is almost always dead).

Of course, you know this guarantees tonight will be a madhouse.

Pretty sure that my tax return has gone to pay the student loan. Bastards. I wouldn't be quite so annoyed with them if they hadn't already screwed me over before with payments, to the point where I've put them on my lowest priority list. Once you decide that you can pull a payment out of my account on any day you please (not the one you agreed on)twice, damn straight I'm gonna take you off the authorized charges.

Sigh. The return would have been nice though.

I'd better get. Need a shower and to talk to the sitter before I go to work. At least it's my Friday today- I get to relax a bit for the next two days.

• 14:20 Just got back from Coraline. Amazing! Catherine asked to stop at the bookstore for her own copy, so I picked up The Graveyard Book as well. #
• 14:33 My hub thinks I should thank @neilhimself for a lovely Valentine's Day. He's happy we are both reading, so he could run off & make art. #
• 20:35 @_nymphadora_ I don't want to hear anyone talking about being fat unless they are at _least_ my size. And I'm the hottest babe you know. ;3 #

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• 21:31 Taking the kid and man to see Coraline tomorrow. I'm so excited!!! #
• 21:58 Grrr Looks like one of the shelters closed without informing anyone. We need to know this! I was sending people to a closed shelter :( #
• 22:19 It'll have to be the 11:05 or 11:30 showing of Coraline tomorrow- I want to see it in 3D. I think that'll be a nice Valentines day treat. #

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22:11 Listening to The Dr Horrible soundtrack at work (it came up in my player). It's amazing how fitting "My Eyes" is right now. #

22:38 I'm an emotional rollercoaster today. Something I read on TV Tropes made me tear up. God help us all if a Hallmark commercial comes on. #

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• 16:08 Nooooobody loves me, everybody hates me..... #
• 16:09 I think I'll go eat worms. #
• 16:10 :P Feeing silly- back to work, and I haven't taken a call yet. Just saw what my pay looks like after health insurance gets taken out. Yuck. #
• 16:12 Oh, and my CA tax return was nabbed by my student loan company. I wonder if they're gonna take the federal one too. #

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I was invited to go to a fundraiser, a black tie affair that I was really looking forward to- enough so that I arranged to have a night off of work.

I spent the whole evening waiting for a sitter that never showed. She told us yes, and then flaked.

If she had just said no, we could have made other arrangements. I hate when people blow me off, instead of just telling me what they are really planning/thinking. Just tell me- I swear I won't bite your head off. But keeping me waiting this way- not cool at all.

What a total waste of makeup.

It's my birfday.


And it's been more than I could have asked for already. I'm happy- really and deeply. I am loved, and appreciated, and that makes all the difference.

Chris woke me this morning, teasing "do you think Santa got here yet?" until I crawled out of bed. In my living room? A beautiful jewelry armoire and inside, some earrings I'd been wanting.

I'll post pictures of both, but right now we're going to go and redeem the gift certificate his mom got me for Christmas, which has been pinned to our corkboard waiting for me to have the time.

*Headdesk*

Why, oh why do I always do this to myself. I know my mother isn't dependable in the long run, I know it. But I keep getting in situations where I need her for something, and again, she disappoints.

She's the one who insisted we put Cat in dance class. Dance class that Cat loves. Dance class that is $42 a month. Which she promised to pay, and hasn't. For January. And we now owe Jan and Feb. Which when I called to ask her about, she wasn't sure she could cover.


I know- everyone has it hard right now. But the reason they're a little tighter? She just bought a new car. A Mercedes.

Yeah.

So now I have to see if I can scrape together a month, and the gas to go out and get Feb.'s payment, and I just paid the $80 for her winter recital costume (or actually Chris paid it, thanks to a loan from his soon to be ex boss at the Comic book store- don't worry, that part at least is a good thing)  and this means that the birthday check my mother in law was nice enough to send me is gone, and I'm probably going to have to do a direct deposit advance  which is dangerous all the way around for me, and and and......



Arrrgh.

Odds and ends, really. Work is quiet tonight, which is so nice, really.  I've had more time to spend with the callers that did call, because I wasn't rushed by the calls I could see waiting in line. I enjoy this job most when I can talk to the caller and help them with several needs.

Been thinking about my birthday coming up- nothing huge really, just kinda noting the passage of time. I'd like a few gifts and such, but material things aren't really all that important.

Actually what I want for my birthday is unprintable, and the screaming will probably annoy the neighbors. ;3


But I've got Thursday off in any case, so I'm looking forward to whatever comes.

Wow-  surest way to get the phones ringing is to start a post.

Been mailing Montressor lately (tip of the hat to B- perfect name for him- tell me if you mind).  After I set the ground rules (no flirting- I'm not going to ever be your lover again, but I'd be happy to be your friend ) we've had some good mails. I've got no problem telling him off if I think he needs it, and no reason to walk on eggshells the way I did when we were together.
I think he'd benefit from a friend who won't let him bullshit himself, and has no interest in him, unlike Cleo, who is a sweet girl but like every other woman in his life, enables him when he is wrapped in self pity or when he's blaming others for his mistakes.

Dunno though. Part of me thinks this is a way to help someone who was a big part of my life and deserves to grow and be the person I knew, or even the person I thought he was capable of being- something he admits he fell short of- and another part of me wonders why I'm still concerned, especially when Chris doesn't like me having contact with him (not that he'd forbid it or anything, but he's uncomfortable) and he's not really a part of my life (hasn't been for 12 years).

It's someone who's hurting, and has asked me to help. I just wonder if it's a bad idea in this case.